So, this is a post that I never really wanted to write but kind of knew it was coming although didn't expect it really until my uni study leave, but basically I'm taking a break from my blog until I've finished uni in June. Thought I'd tell it to you straight as quickly and painlessly as possible because this is really hard for me and I really didn't want to have to do this. I figured it's like ripping off a band-aid, so blurted it out just like that.
I know it is a pretty huge blog break to take, like, most people take a week or two off and I'm planning on having about four months off. But I really think it's probably the best decision for me right now.
Why am I doing it? Well, essentially, I'm doing it because I love it too much. I'm in my final year at university, and due to a terrible module choice I made last year, I spent most of my second year and this first three quarters of this third and final year struggling to reach the standards I know I'm capable of. Once I started struggling, I realized that I didn't really think what I was struggling for was really worth it; I stopped enjoying my degree and started putting my energy into something I love doing, blogging. If you know me, then you know I would blog all day every day for free. I've dreamed so many times about just dropping out of uni and becoming a professional blogger for a living, but we all know that its not as simple as that. Someone has to pay the bills, boost their job prospects and most importantly, bring home a diploma at the end of the three years so their parents can be proud. So I stuck at it, despite my wishes getting stronger and stronger over the past few months.
Finding myself now in the 'final push' of my university career, my logical mind reasons that it simply wouldn't make sense to drop out now. Sure, I have the dissertation left to hand in, the exams to sit, and the results day to attend, three of the hardest things any student has to 'look forward to' particularly if they aren't even remotely passionate about what they're doing, or can think of much better ways to spend their time. However, it is only a few months left so I know it just wouldn't be worth quitting now, especially not just because I'm scared that I might only get an 'average' degree rather than 'above average'.
If I do average on results day, sure I'll find it a bit of a bummer, but I'll be proud of myself because I stuck at it. But I need to stick at it in order to achieve that sense of pride, and the people around me seem to think I won't get that if I keep up my blog at the same time and I get that. I get that because every minute I want to blog. Once a week I want to pick up a uni book. Maximum. So this is all about eliminating my main distraction.
Now, it's bad enough having to sacrifice something you love in place of the possibility of gaining something else. It's even worse when you're making that sacrifice for something you're kind of indifferent about but want for the people around you.
That's the most important thing for you guys to know, I'm not giving up my blog for myself or to push myself forward. I'm giving it up for the people around me, who I can't bear to disappoint. At least not if I knew I could help it.
As I say, I don't know if dropping my blog will mean the difference between a 2.1 and 2. But at least I'll know I did my absolute best and couldn't have done any more.
It's kind of ironic that I should have to make this decision just as things are going so well for my little blog. Companies and events are starting to recognize me, fellow bloggers are working with me and I'm beginning to feel right in my element having just run and awarded my '150 follower giveaway'. I can only hope that all of my followers will still be here when I return, waiting for me with as much support as ever they did. And you know what, if not, I'd earn you all right back again in June, because I've loved every minute of it :D
Literally have a little tear in my eye right now, because I'm under a lot of pressure at the moment, but I'm pretty sure that this is the right thing to do. I know you all probably think I'm making a huge ceremony of this but it really is a big deal for me right now as I know I'm sentencing myself to at least four months of pure misery. But nonetheless, in the words of Christina Aguilera (YES I went there) 'They say if you love something let it go, If it comes back, It's yours, And that's how you know.'
So for the foreseeable future, my blog and I are on a break, and until such a time when I think it's a good idea to pick it back up again, you may only see the odd guest post on here (if that). However, I will still be available on Twitter as @HauteFuture and you can still email me at hautefuture@gmail.com
Thank you for reading and for keeping the smile on my face for the past year and a half. It's meant an awful lot and all I ask now is that you close your eyes, make a wish, count to three and say a little prayer for me. Hopefully I can come back in June and tell you all that this was so worth it. But until next time, this is me, signing off :'(
Love
gabriellasofia
x
