Doing Our Bit for Charidee: Project Unbreakable.

I figured I'd start this feature which you'll see crop up a lot in the future. I've called it 'Doing Our Bit for Charidee' as its basically all about honouring some of the lesser know charities out there which really deserve a mention.

So first off, I thought I'd shine a bit of light on Project Unbreakable. Since I first asked the question 'Are You a Feminist' in a 2011 blog-post which commended the SlutWalk initiative, I've been quite passionate about charities which help women and men over-come the social stigma attached to sexual abuse. Founded by the admirable 19 year-old budding photographer, Grace Brown, Project Unbreakable was inspired by a shocking confession made by one of her closest friends over dinner one night in New York back in October. Fast-forward to today, and Brown has a successful blog which allows victims of sexual abuse to share their stories with the world through placards emblazoned with a short summary of their own story. Refreshingly, Project Unbreakable isn't about raising money, but rather about raising the self-esteem of the strong men and women who endured unthinkable acts and emerged fighting at the other side. Brown believes that by being able to share their sadness, anger and shame with the world, the world 'takes a little piece of the weight off' the victims, restoring a sense of power and reinforcing the idea that it is not the victims but the rapists, pedophiles and molesters who should be ashamed.

I've chosen five of the most touching stories which I found on Project Unbreakable to share with you, and I've also included a brief paragraph of my own in an attempt to dispel just a few of the counter-productive myths surrounding sexual abuse.

1) Marriage or secure relationship status does NOT mean your partner can take sex whenever they want it. It is still a personal decision which you have the right to make however and for whatever reasons you so wish. If you don't want to have sex you don't have to, no matter what. Anyone that tries to convince you otherwise is grasping desperately at any argument which will numb their guilt as they pressure you into doing something which they know full well that you aren't comfortable with. 

2) Anyone that uses your love for them in order to get you to do something you absolutely do not want to do, is using emotional blackmail. If they loved you, they would wait. Furthermore, more than half of sexual assault cases are carried out by a loved family member or friend making it often more difficult to accuse the abuser. 

                       

3) Proof of assault or rape will always be useful in court. Scratch your attacker, hard and repeatedly. Bite them. Struggle hard even though it may hurt because every bruise the abuser puts on your body will act as a witness. As hard as it may be, don't shower before telling the police, there will be all kinds of evidence on you which will help you to fight. On the other side, although it is notoriously difficult to send an abuser to jail without the use of this kind of solid evidence, NEVER stop fighting. As long as you tell your story, there will always be someone out there who will listen. 

4) Sexual assault is not the victims fault. If you were drugged and passed out, it wasn't your fault because you were in no position to fight the attacker off. If you were a child, confused, not knowing it was wrong, again, you were vulnerable and it was the attacker's duty to make a responsible decision. If there was a group, you were outnumbered. If you had to make a 'deal' in order to get out safe, you did the right thing to protect yourself as well as you could at the time. If you were blackmailed, you were scared. If you had a short skirt on or were flirting, it wasn't an invitation. If it was a person superior to you, you felt trapped. No matter what, it is NEVER the victim's fault.

5) Women are not the only ones who are sexually assaulted and men are not the only ones who abuse. If your story doesn't comply with the more common gender patterns, don't feel even more ashamed than the victims in the stories which do. You have still been abused, your abuser still took advantage of you and still deserves to be punished.

To see more similar confessions, please go check out Project Unbreakable where Grace Brown has been doing fantastic work. In fact, her Tumblr account made it to Time Out's top 30 to follow this year and the site continues to grow daily so Tweet about it, facebook share it and tell your friends. The more people this site reaches, the more people it helps. 

Finally, I thought I'd finish off with a few quick tips in order to hopefully prevent us all from ever falling victim to the terrible ordeals which these men and women have survived:

• Don't walk in poorly lit areas alone.
• Carry a rape alarm. If someone gets too close, or makes you feel uncomfortable, click the switch or pull the string and throw the alarm close enough that it is clearly audible but far enough away that the attacker will run to try and turn it off rather than come any closer to you.
• Be aware of your surroundings at all times. Notice who is where and what they are doing there.
• DON'T carry a weapon. More often than not, a victim's own protective weapons is turned against them.
• If you find yourself in an verbally, mentally, emotionally or physically abusive relationship with anyone, family, friend or romantic situation, get out and search for help. Often, sexually abusive relationships start out like this.
• Sexual innuendos, inappropriate body language or suggestive looks are ALWAYS inappropriate in any kind of professional environment. This includes schools, churches, offices, hospitals etc. This kind of behavior should be reported to a more senior member of staff before it escalates into something more.
• NEVER leave a drink which you hope to return to unattended by you in a nightclub. Even if you plan to leave it with a trusted friend, they may turn away for one second as a potential attacker drops a date-rape drug in. Finish your drink before leaving your glass behind, or just buy a fresh one upon your return.
• Don't put yourself in a vulnerable position. Although intoxication is never an excuse for non-consensual sex, being drunk or high may make it easier for an abuser to manipulate you into something which you would normally never consider. 
• Watch out for your friends and have them do the same for you.

So that's that! My first ever 'Doing Our Bit for Charidee' and I must say I'm totally inspired by Brown's efforts so far. She's really started something meaningful which can help people without having to invest a mass of time or money into it. I love to see social networking help people in such a positive way.

Had you heard of Project Unbreakable before? Which confessions touched you the most? Do you have any other tips in order to prevent or combat sexual abuse?

Love and snuggles

gabriellasofia

x

Are You A Feminist?

The past century has seen sexism come to be one of the top ways in which one can discriminate. This was brought into question through the fact that 'feminists' decided that they were being treated unfairly and that it should stop and hence has had much publicity over recent years and has resulted in fewer instances of a woman being judged or treated differently solely based on her gender.

So women are no longer campaigning for the vote, or burning their bras or chaining themselves to railings in order to get their message out and yet feminism is still active today, and what I was asked by a self-confessed 'feminist' friend of mine recently really got me thinking; "Are you a feminist?"

It's terrible, but certain stigma has been attached to those calling themselves feminists... Still to this day they are often considered unfeminine trouble-makers. There are even ignorant people out there who would call them 'men-haters', and in extreme cases 'butch' and other similarly derogatory names implying lesbianism because some assume women only fight for women's freedom because they 'love' women and 'hate' men. Of course, this is not the case.

Feminists are women who believe that men and women should be treated equally. It's as simple as that. So yes, I guess I am a feminist. It makes me angry that for the most part men are still on higher rates of pay than women who do the same jobs. It makes me mad that men are often chosen ahead of women for jobs purely because employers don't want to hire someone who may one day require maternity leave and pay. It makes me sad that there are still such negative connotations to various words used to describe women in comparison to the equivalent for men... if you don't believe me just consider the differences between 'bachelor' and 'spinster' or 'slut' and 'player', plus there are tons more examples out there. It confuses me that women are still considered as their father's property until they become that of their husband, demonstrated by the fact that most women take on their husband's names... Mrs Dr John Doe for example, why isn't she just considered as herself? It makes me shake with rage that some people out there, including Constable Michael Sanguinetti believe that a woman should be judged and hence treated 'accordingly' based on their appearance and the way they dress. The reason this makes me shake with rage is because this Toronto Constable actually suggested that 'Women should avoid dressing like sluts' in order to lessen the chances of rape. Shocking, right?

It's amazing that in this day and age people still go along with sexist conventions purely for the sake of maintaining tradition. So sexuality is being embraced more openly these days (in the past a man would have to secretly find a prostitute if he wanted to let off some steam, whereas now he need only buy a girl a drink before he has her in his bed... or in the club car park, depending on what that girl allows of course) and yet it still remains a taboo for a woman to explore her sexuality as openly. If we have become less 'prudish' over the years, then more power to us, but let's try and make the lack of judgement one-size-fits-all... Whatever the 'rules' are, they should apply to everyone!

Personally, I am not the kind of girl who wants to go on a night out and pull lots of guys, but I would like the option to if I so chose, without being concerned about how society would consider me because I'm a woman. That's the whole point of feminism; if you want to be a housewife, then that's fine! But the opportunity to be a politician, doctor or lawyer should be there too!

So that's one case where I don't want to go to the party but it would have been nice to be asked. And yet there are other cases where I do want to go to the party... and dress like a 'slut' if I feel like it, without being raped (SO THERE, CONSTABLE MICHAEL SANGUINETTI!) For

example, I don't want to be defined by the men in my life. I'm my own person.

Since I made this revelation I have decided to take on the less conventional 'Ms.' rather than 'Miss' or 'Mrs'. 'Ms' means I am a woman and you don't need to know whether I'm taken or 'belong' to a man for you to make your opinions about who I am and what I'm capable of. It's just a small change, but I figured, 'If men don't have to declare their marital status in paperwork, then why should I?'

Also, since the 'SlutWalk' campaign which took place on the 11th of June this year I have definitely decided that I will be attending the walk next year. Thousands of women took to the streets wearing the most provocative clothes they own, baring as much flesh as they wanted and marched in the name of the importance of sexual consent. Women who have been raped, or molested in the past walked with their heads held high and those who have been lucky enough never to have experienced something so terrible supported them anyway and marched carrying banners stating 'Cleavage does not mean consent', 'Short skirts don't cause rape, Rapists do' and 'Whatever we wear, wherever we go, yes means yes and no means no'.

This made me realize that if women want to stand any chance of being treated as equals to men, we need to stand together. Just because we may not be affected by sexism right now doesn't mean we'll never face that barrier... Plus, I think feminism is cool, so we really have no

excuse!

I'm not saying every girl or woman out there should go out and wear no clothes, apply for a high powered job and introduce themselves as 'Ms.' However, we really should be more aware and understanding to those sorts of examples...

I hope I've given you some food for thought. Hopefully I will see as many of you as possible at next year's SlutWalk which can be found at www.facebook.com/slutwalkuk but until then, answer me this... Are You A Feminist?

Love and kisses

MS. gabriellasofia