Friday, 22 April 2011

My First Tentative Steps Towards A Bikini-Fit Body...

It's that time of year where body image becomes quite the Hot Topic. Am I thin enough? Toned enough? Will I be confused with a sea mammal if caught laying on the beach this year? Eeek. The responses? No. No. And perhaps not, but only because I wont let myself lay out in the state I'm in at the moment.
At least I'm not in denial right? Working towards a goal always gives someone a purpose, so what exactly is my goal? Well, in a dream world my double chin would be gone, my upper arms would be toned, my breasts would be more pert and a cup size smaller, my stomach would be flatter with nothing to grope at and it would be toned although not too chiseled, my ass would be firmer, my inner thighs would ideally be none existent and... well, I think that's it. Not a lot to ask right? Wrong. Without going under the knife many of these fantasies will ever happen, and since I'm a student living on a students budget, I can just about afford to accept the fact that this is my body and I'd better get used to it.
However, some of these aims might be within reach, if I work really hard. So, the deadline is the 18th of June. This gives me eight weeks in order the make the best out of a bad situation.
Also, I apologize for being a little overly-critical of myself. I'm by no means a Fat Pig. And yet I'm not happy, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. When we force ourselves to think really rationally, most people know that there is really nothing majorly wrong with them. You know that honesty is the best policy and that's what I always strive for in this blog, so I'm going to go ahead and call us all out on committing one of seven deadly sins... Pride and hence Vanity. We know we are fine. But we don't want people to go about their daily business when we walk past because we are nothing disgusting to point and laugh at. We want them to turn their heads and think, 'Dang it, bitch is HOT.' We want people to be jealous of us. We want it all.
I am fully aware of this. In fact, I embrace it, because it's one of those almost unreachable goals which means that I will forever be working towards it which can only be a good thing. You can never be too healthy.
So what steps am I taking towards getting this 'Turn-Heads-In-The-Street-Envy-Inducing' beach body? Well, let me tell you.
1) I'm going to be giving some things up. These things will include red meat, any white carbs apart from healthily cooked potatoes once a week, drinks which aren't water or pure tea (although I will allow three spirit measures a week and a very weak glass of squash a day just to keep my life worth living), chocolate, non-low fat sauces and dressings (yes, this includes my two biggest weaknesses; ketchup and mayonnaise) and excessive amounts of cheese... a maximum of one small cube per day will be imposed without exception.
2) I will be drinking one mug of Herbalife weight-loss-boosting tea a day. It's really good but tastes like... well, I'm not even going to go there. HINT: it is known as Mingy Tea in my household.
3) A minimum of a half hour high-impact cardiovascular exercise and the same of low-impact will be done a day. I have already been running for half an hour a day for the past five days. Win :-)
4) 500 sit-ups are to be done each day.
5) I must use my Slendertone belt for half an hour twice a day.
6) I will have five mini-meals a day with my first at 10am every two hours until 6pm. If I'm having any basic carbs like bread, rice or pasta then they must be eaten at or before 2pm.
That's all I can think of so far! Oh and I'm going to try to limit my daytime naps to just once a week and a lie in past 10am just once a week too. This should mean my body is more active and hence constantly burning fat. Hopefully that should work wonders for my revision also as I wont be able to take one of my colossal 3hour afternoon sleeps. Everyone's a winner.
The only hitch is that I won't be able to properly start all this until Monday the 2nd when I return to university, as my parents constantly want to feed me up. I feel a bit like perhaps they are trying to fatten me up so there's more of me to go around when cannibalism is made legal... Seriously, all I hear is, 'And the chocolate cake is going out of date so we have to eat it right now', 'Will you cut the bread for with dinner and butter it? Yeah, the chips are ready' and 'Who wants a McFlurry???' Bah. It's not a bad life.
Anyways, if any of you out there have any tips for me or want to share your bikini body plans please let me know. Wish me luck!


  1. try too :-) good Luck to us both, my aim to run half marathon in June x

  2. Ahhh good luck Caroline! I'm thinking of running Race for Life... x